Today my ex messaged me on Facebook.
It was some half-assed apology, most likely to make himself feel better, but at least I got to see the words ” I am sorry”.
Worse than that, he told me he was making my home church his home church. Even worse than that one good friend really bailed on me when I needed then. And even WORSE than that…I realized two days ago that my ex took advantage of me sexually. And now I have to see him at church. The same man that abused me and broke me, now goes to the same church as me and worships the same God as me.
The person you expect to be there isn’t. I’ve felt that a lot this year. And the person you didn’t expect to understand and be there is.
I am now so terrified to go to church, and I know no one would believe me if I told them why.
I felt like this year was going a better direction. Looks like it is just going a different, but just as bad of one.
And you know the first thought that came into my head when everything went down? It was “Go ahead, just don’t eat today. It will make you feel better.”
My best friend was out of town, my roommate was at work, my mentor decided to not be involved, I hadn’t told my mom about what had all happened and I am/was on the outs with God..I really felt alone.
Today was just a bad day. That is it. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less. I will keep on being me.
Even if I hate that person.
Tonight I’ve realized that even though my ex did some bad things to me, he isn’t a bad person.
He knew he wasn’t good for me and knew what he was doing was wrong, but just couldn’t figure it out.
I still have unsettled anger and hatred, which I’m working out, but I think I understand a little more.
He isn’t the devil. He isn’t evil. He isn’t even bad. As much as I hate to think it, God loves him and forgives him just like He forgives me.
My ex may not have understood love or relationships and may have a lot of baggage and immaturity, but so do lots of people.
I don’t want to hate him anymore.
I don’t like what he did or respect him, but I thank him for being a big enough person to break up with me.
So apparently there is a type of animal called the Japanese Raccoon Dog. They’re basically just giant raccoon’s with serious amounts of floof.
Look how magestic they are. It’s incredible
Suspicious Raccoon Dog knows wat u been doin’
AHHH THE FLOOF
OH and they are freaking adorable as babies JUST LOOK
People also call them puppies
HOW CAN ANYONE NOT THINK THEY ARE ADORABLE
THIS HAS A TINY POLICE OFFICER UNIFORM I’M GOING TO CRY